Restaurant or Bar ?

All those years in restaurants and bars I never did understand why someplaces that serve liquor and food are restaurants and some are bars

And thanks to Fark I have this handy guide

If your napkin feels like linen, it’s a restaurant. If your napkin feels like the Yellow Pages, it’s a bar.

If you need reservations, it’s a restaurant. If you have reservations about admitting where you were till 2 a.m., it’s a bar.

If an 8-ball flies across the room and lands in your taco salad, it’s a bar.

If the floor show involves a baby grand piano, it’s a restaurant. If the floor show involves a garden hose or a large vat of chocolate pudding, it’s a bar.

If the patrons in the men’s room believe that all of the porcelain fixtures, including the sink, were put there for the same purpose, it’s a bar.

If you can’t recall your waiter’s name, it could be a bar or a restaurant. If you can’t recall the name of the person you went home with, it was a bar.

If the waiter challenges your choice of wines, it’s a restaurant. If the waiter challenges you to a fist fight over the Miami-Virginia Tech score, it’s a bar.

If the floor crunches when you walk, it’s probably a bar – unless it’s a restaurant with an “all-you-can-eat” seafood buffet.

If the menu features the word fromage, it’s a restaurant. If the menu features the words “at your own risk,” it’s a bar.

If you are greeted by an elegant woman dressed in Prada, it’s a restaurant. If you are greeted by a topless woman on a trapeze, it’s a bar.

If the chef is wearing nicer shoes than you are, it’s a restaurant. If the chef is the shirtless guy who checked your ID at the door, it’s a bar.

If a man with a violin strolls through at 11 p.m., it’s a restaurant. If the Shore Patrol strolls through at 11 p.m., it’s a bar.

If the waiter recommends a dish made famous in Tuscany, it’s a restaurant. If the waiter recommends a dish made famous in Buffalo, it’s a bar.

If there are flames coming from a saucepan, it’s a restaurant. If there are flames coming from your pants pockets, it’s a bar.

If the Friday Night Special is advertised as a “pasta toss,” it’s a restaurant. If the Friday Night Special is advertised as a “midget toss,” it’s a bar.

If your blind date is waving a Nokia, it’s a restaurant. If your blind date is waving a Smith & Wesson, it’s a bar.

When the evening ends and a valet named Yves has your car keys, it’s a restaurant.

When the evening ends and a tow-truck driver named Spud has your keys, it’s a bar.